SPICE Advice: January Journeys

Advice columnists give their best takes on this month’s dilemmas, submitted anonymously by Friends School students.
SPICE Advice: January Journeys

Question: I like a boy and he likes me. I just learned that he also likes another girl more than me. What should I do? 

Answer: There are a few things you can do in this situation. You can always tell him how you feel and talk to him about your feelings. It’s hard to do; talking to someone you like is scary. But if you like him, it might be best to just make sure he knows that. But, you also need to know that you can’t control how someone else feels. If he likes someone else more, there’s nothing you can do about it, and it might be best to get over him. There are so many other things you can focus on besides a boy, and it isn’t worth getting upset over, especially at such a young age. Hope this helps!

Q: Can I take it with me?

A: No.

Q: I have a crush on a friend of mine, but he has a girlfriend. The issue is that he likes to tease me about having a crush on him, and fake flirt with me, because he knows it makes me mad. Other than that, he’s a very good friend, but everybody is telling me to leave the friendship. What should I do? 

A: This situation is super complicated, and it’s important to think about it. I think if you are close to this friend, it is important for you to talk directly to him. It can be difficult to stand up and advocate for yourself, but it is something we all need to practice. He might not even realize that you are uncomfortable with the jokes he makes, and if you don’t speak up, that probably won’t change. Another thing that could be helpful is to take some space. It is good to have time to reflect on your friendship, and it might help him realize he is doing something wrong. But it is still your responsibility to make sure he understands the impact of what he is doing. Another thing (and this might be obvious, but it is worth saying): get over your crush. It sounds to me like this is not the main problem, but you probably won’t feel as vulnerable when he makes fun of you if you don’t like him like that. 

Q: How to love yourself? 

A: This is something we are all working on. Keep in mind that this advice can’t fully encompass the answer to your question, but we can give you some ideas. First, loving yourself is a practice. It isn’t just a switch that you turn on, but an action that you can try to build into a habit. The most important thing to do if you want to love yourself is to spend time with yourself. And that doesn’t mean scrolling social media. It means sitting down, or walking, and being with your thoughts. You could journal, you could draw or create something, anything where you are connecting with yourself. Also, invest in hobbies like reading or playing an instrument, where you can do something by yourself that you enjoy. Think about how you talk to yourself. Are you using negative language, saying you can’t do something or you just embarrassed yourself? Being aware of how you talk to yourself, and trying to talk to yourself positively – like how you talk to your friends or family – builds self-love. Treat your relationship with yourself just like you would treat a relationship with someone else. Words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service are all ways that you can show love to yourself. Start small and try to do just one or two of these things, because it can be overwhelming to try to implement all of them. 

Q: Somehow, I’ve developed a crush on someone who I’m not allowed/supposed to have a crush on. And although I barely ever see them, it’s still enough to be a problem. Even after I see them, I can’t stop thinking about what we did together and what they are doing. What should I do? 

A: Considering you aren’t allowed to have a crush on them, you should probably move on from that. There are a lot of different things you can do to try getting them out of your head. Set aside some time every day to think about them and write down your thoughts. Then, whenever you think about them during the day, change your train of thought and remind yourself that you have time to think of them later. Also, finding some hobbies or activities you enjoy doing can get your mind off of them – as well as focusing on friendships or spending time with family. They might be there for a long time in the back of your head, but you choose how much attention you can give to the crush. They aren’t worth constantly thinking about and imagining situations in your head that will never be real. There are so many amazing things you can do with your time besides idolizing this person. 

Q: How can i balance what i need to do and what i want to in a way that ill stick with it?

A: This is something that a lot of people struggle with, especially high school students. Different things work for different people, but here are a few things you can do. Something I find very helpful is writing down a schedule for myself. Especially on weekends when I don’t feel like doing anything, having a manageable schedule or to-do list helps motivate me to be at least somewhat productive. Using a planner and writing down things you need to do can be helpful, and checking off all the things you have to do is satisfying and fulfilling. Try to add both things you enjoy and productive things to your schedule so that you don’t feel like you only have to do work. Also, if you have a hard time getting your work done, it can be helpful to set a timer and work until the timer goes off. Then you can take a quick break and start the timer again until you get your work done. Just try to make a plan that you will be able to stick with. You may have to try different study methods or ways to plan out your day until you find something that works for you, because everyone works differently. 

Q: Bitcoin stock is dropping, should I sell it or wait to see if it goes back up?

A: Go to Finance club. They can help you with your financial decisions. 

Q: How do you navigate a HUGE crush on someone who is already dating someone else? 

A: If they are dating someone else, you have to try to move on. If it’s meant to be, it will be, but it is not good for your mental health if you are pursuing someone who is not available. You are worth more than that. If you are finding it hard to let go of them, try getting some space from them however you can. There are a lot of different things you can do to try getting them out of your head, including setting some time to write down your thoughts about this person, finding some hobbies or activities that can get your mind off of them, and focusing on friendships or spending time with family. They might be there for a while in the back of your head, but you choose how much attention you can give to the crush. 

Q: What do you do when you can’t take it with you?

A: Don’t take it with you.


Are you in need of advice? Use this link to send in a question and it will be answered in the February advice column!

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